No matter what your family goes on to look like, there will always be the sense of a missing part. Thankfully, those questions were resolved for me and I hope that Taylor and anyone else asking these questions finds their own resolution “I’m never gonna meet, what could’ve been, would’ve been, what should’ve been you.” Didn’t I pray enough> Didn’t I want it enough? Oh, how I remember. It can also bring an overwhelming amount of questions and guilt. Loss can feel senseless and chaotic and far beyond our control. “Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia? Did some force take you because I didn’t pray?”
Yes, Taylor, it is a lot to live without. How many times have you had to explain that you are grieving so much more than the loss of your developing baby? You were grieving the first cry, the first words and steps, seeing them learn to ride a bike and spell, their first crush and heartbreak, graduations, jobs and marriages, and the birth of their children. Saying goodbye, the magnitude of what your baby was, even if they were only here for a brief time. I probably don’t need to say very much about this one. “Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye / You were bigger than the whole sky / You were more than just a short time” And then Taylor Swift perfectly described an experience I had during the deepest days of my grief and reminded me that so many other women must have also spent their nights wondering when the tears would slow down enough to not spill into our ears. Of all the conversations I have ever had about grief, I never heard this from another Mama and was more than willing to believe that this was just a fluke that happened to me a few times.
It’s a strange line, except if you have had the experience of lying in bed with tears streaming down your face and running into your ears. This is the second line of the song and represents how far I got before bursting into tears. “Salt streams out of my eyes and into my ears”
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